One more traveling companion

I've boarded yet another flight. Not quite tired enough to give up flying. I board the plane and tell myself maybe this destination will be different. Fresh memories board the plane with me. Recent crashes that left me with injuries and life bearing scars, but were too weak to take my life. Fresh memories that would keep any sane woman from using her passport again. But I still fly. Like I said, hoping and praying that this flight will be different

I've taken my seat near the back of the plane and watch for my flight mate, my travelling companion. No one yet. Twenty minutes before takeoff, there is still time. I stare out the window, dreaming.

"Hi there."

I shake myself out of my thoughts to see him standing in the aisle. After stowing his carry-on in the overhead compartment, he sits down. (My travelling companion for the flight)

We make it through the initial introductions, buckle our seatbelts and wait until the captain's voice comes over the sound system.

"Cleared for take off"

At first I am relaxed, believing that if I just sit back and stare out the window, I can avoid conversation.

"Is this your first flight?" He asks.

So much for avoidance.

"No." A one word answer. They usually tend to deter continued discourse.

"Me either. Where are you from?"

He knows my name. Isn't that good enough. Now he wants the details. I'm not ready for this yet.

Take off. It's too late now to leave the plane. I'm committed for the duration of the flight. I look at him ever so briefly so he hasn't the moment to read my mind. Maybe this time I can risk again. It won't be long before the flight is over and the destination is reached. He will disembark as will I and that will be the end. He will leave on board any memory of the trip and I will choose to pack it all up in my carry-on luggage and take it with me. I am the one that has to choose. Now, before the turbulence, before the fall.

I look again and this time it's his eyes I see, blue as the crystal waters forty thousand feet below us. His carefree laughter and daunting smile draw me in. I gently close the window shutter. The view outside is discourging. Clouds. I can't see where I am or where I'm going. I've lost all bearing... once again.

I guess all I can do for now is hang on for the ride and enjoy the company fate has brought me. He'll leave and maybe my plane won't crash. And even if it does, will I quit flying. Only if I give up all hope of ever leaving the aircraft with my travelling companion hand in hand.

Beauty from Forgiveness

As she lay awake, the moonlight over the city peeked into her bedroom. Gomer couldn't sleep at all. She had tossed and turned for hours before she just propped her pillows up, laid back and stared out the window. Hosea lay in peaceful sleep beside her. He was not disturbed by her restlessness. The events of the last few days had troubled her so greatly that she didn't know how to process them all. Something had happened and Gomer was lost in confusion.

Here she was lying in a beautiful bed with a holy man of God lying beside her. What had she done to deserve this? All of Judah knew who she was. Many words described Gomer... prostitute, tramp, adulterer, fit for trash... she'd heard them all. All of it true. Gomer's past, even recent past was an ugly one. She couldn't shake the memories of the many men that used to lie beside her in bed. She was a tramp. Then what was she doing here? Married to a prophet? No woman of her stature deserved this. And Hosea? Who was he to accept such a bride? Disillusioned, crazy, rebellious...no, Hosea was a strong willed, honorable loving man of God. He spoke his mind even when it got him in trouble. He was a prophet…a spokesman for the Almighty God of Judah. Hosea was just being obedient. This Almighty God had handpicked Gomer for a bride. So it wasn't Hosea...It was God.

It was God she couldn't understand. It was God's mercy she had received, not Hosea's. Hosea was just a willing vessel in the hands of God. If anyone should get the credit for her redemption it was God. Somewhere, somehow, God had chosen her. God has seen her life and there was no doubt that he was angry with her for her sin and disobedience. But He chose to look past all of that and love her anyway.

She was a picture. She knew that. It was Judah that had rebelled against God. It was Judah that had prostituted herself with foreign gods and idolatry. Just like Gomer, the whole nation had abandoned their God. Now God was coming back. Through with anger, he was embracing a rebellious child and pouring out His love for an undeserving nation.

Gomer looked over at Hosea who was just waking up. There was a smile on his face as he reached over and kissed her. He had a way of making her feel beautiful. It was a beauty that could only come from unconditional love and unwarranted forgiveness.

Walking off the field

It's all so different from what I had imagined on earth. This is Heaven. Home... finally. No more waiting. I'm here. So beautiful. So divine. Where's Jesus?

"Ruby."

"Jesus!"

"Whoa. Don't knock me over."

"I could never do that. I'm just so excited to see you. To really see you."

"Here let me wipe your tears. From ecstasy to weeping. Oh girl."

"Am I really here, Lord? Tell me it's really you. I'm not dreaming am I?"

"No, child, you're not dreaming. Come, Ruby, let's go for a walk."

"A walk. But what about the judgment, the throne of God... and all that stuff."

"You're here to see me, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then let's go for a walk. I have so many things to show you."

"Like what? My mansion on a hilltop, the cattle on a thousand hills, streets of gold..."

"Ruby, just slow down a little. Here's the river, let's sit down on it's flowery banks. Here's a nice grassy strip. We need to talk."

"Oh, I've been waiting for so long to talk to you face to face. I know we've talked through prayer, but it's just not the same thing."

"I know. Here... Let me hold you, Ruby... just relax. You're safe here. Nothing will ever harm you again...I love you and I want you to know that I'm happy you're with me."

"Why do I feel a but coming?"

"Ruby, I want to ask you a question now."

"Okay...I think"

"Why did you give up?"

"I..."

"Look at me, child. You're crying again."

"Are you mad at me, Lord?"

"No. I'm not. But you have to know I'm not the only one in the picture... and neither are you."

"I don't understand."

"You can't see what I"m seeing this very moment. You're here with me now. Your time on earth is over. That was your choosing, not mine."

"But, I couldn't anymore... I couldn't... I couldn't..."

"I know what it was like for you. I know your illness pushed you over the edge. But you still had a choice in the end."

"I wanted to see you. I knew if I was here you would make it all better. One more day was just too unbearable. Lord... forgive me, please."

"Oh child, I already did... At the cross. Remember? But it's not me that's sad right now. Do you know what day it is on earth?"

"I don't know."

"On earth, your family and friends are having your funeral."

"Oh."

"Tell me, Ruby. Give me some names. Who's crying today?"

"Well... probably Mom."

"Who else?"

"Maybe my sister, my friend Donnell, Pastor Marie.."

"Just four. That's all you could think of?"

"I don't know. It's hard to say."

"Is it? You would be surprised to know who's shedding a tear in the back seat of the church as we speak."

"What's her name?"

"It's a him, not a her."

"Him?"

"He's thinking right now that you were the only real friend he had. The only one he really trusted."

"Is it...?"

"It is. You were so close to leading him to me. And then he got scared. But it wasn't you he was scared of. He was scared of me. But you thought you were the one that drove him away."

"He hasn't talked to me for over two years..."

"That wasn't your fault, Ruby."

"Nothing was the same since ... I just wanted to come home."

"It wasn't up to you. That was supposed to be my decision and you took it from me."

"You are angry with me."

"No, I already said I wasn't. But I want you to see that your life held so much more than what you thought it did. You cut yourself short and now you are in paradise and the work you could have done for me I now have to delegate to someone else. I so wanted you to be the one. I chose you. I know life was painful at the best of times, but nothing is unbearable with my strength to pull you though. Child, I love you. I told you that in the end, but you didn't hear me... until now."

"Is he going to be alright?"

"You'll have to wait. His game is not over. I'll do what I can but my favourite player just walked off the field. It's not the same anymore."

Homecoming

It was Friday morning somewhere around ten bells. I was already exhausted from an hour and a half of racing around work, pulling orders and fixing problems. Steve was my next customer and I was not looking forward to serving him at that moment. Any day was not a good day to screw up on his orders.

"Next... Hi Steve." I entered the primary info into the system. " P.O. or tag"

"Windermere, it's a short one. I just need two lengths of pex pipe, 3/4. "

"Wirsbo?"

"Yes"

"Not a problem." I sent it to print and went to the back to get the pex. It was during that time that he came in the door. I didn't notice him at first because he was standing behind the racking. Coming back with a pretzel of pex in my hands, I grabbed Steve's invoice off the printer and flipped the pipe over the counter. It was then that I noticed him. All I could do in that moment was freeze. Steve signed and ripped off his yellow copy.

"Ruby?"

"Sorry." I snapped out my delirium. Not taking my eyes of the now stranger that had just walked back into my world. The line was growing and the guys were all with customers. He was next.

"Next." Eye contact. " I can help you over here."

He smiled. "I hope you can." There were way too many people at the counter that morning. None, except maybe one, that knew what was racing through my mind at the moment. And definitely none that I want to loose emotional composure in front.

We just started at each other for all of five seconds. He was the first to speak.

"Hi Ruby."

"Hi." I couldn't even bring myself to mention his name. Oh, I hadn't forgotten it. For the last two years, I hadn't forgotten it. Maybe I didn't want to acknowledge his presence. My eyes glanced back at the line. It seemed to have dissipated. No one was waiting. He turned around and noticed the lull.

I took that as my opportunity to leave. I walked around the counter and headed straight out the front door. And as I expected, he followed, running to catch up.

"I hope you don't mind if I take this conversation away from the crowd." I couldn't bear to look at him. My gut was ripping to shreds inside. How ironic, I wanted this moment, even prayed for it. Now that it was here, I didn't know what to do or say. Was I angry, because it took him two years to see me? Was I on the verge of tears because I missed him still? Did I want to slap him or... just through my arms around him and hold on?

"Ruby."

We had gained enough distance from the shop that I knew I wasn't going to be central attraction. But I couldn't bring my legs to stop. He grabbed me by the hand to stop me. Something startled me as I looked down I can't ever remember holding hands. He didn't let go. I brought myself to look up. I wasn't the only one that had worked up the tears. No one could speak. It almost felt like words would ruin things. How could he explain his absence so I would understand. How could I convince him that despite everything... I still loved him.

Jesus' dating service

"Ruby, are you there?"

I wiped my eyes and shook my head. It was the Lord calling

"Yes, Lord, I'm here."

"I have a surprise for you."

Breathing in deeply, I smiled. Jesus often came to me with surprises. He was always so generous with his gifts. Mmmm... what does he have for me this time.

"Let me guess. My mom is coming for a visit."

"Nope. Not today."

"I have a new kid in my Sunday school class."

"No one new this week"

"A raise at work?" I knew I was pushing it.

"Ruby, I have something much better for you."

Better than mom coming for a visit. Wow!

"What is something you've been dreaming of for a very long time?"

I couldn't answer that one. I dream about a lot of things. Mostly men and cars. But I passed off the idea that a new Chevy was in my driveway. I've learned to expect greater things from the Lord than mere materials. But He has surprised me before.

"Come with me. I want you to meet someone."

"A new friend?"

"Yes. A new friend."

I wonder what she's going to be like. Older, younger, a mom with four children, single, maybe a grandmother. I sure miss my Oma... I like new friends. I sure hope she's from Calgary.

We went to the park, my Lord and I. He took me for a long walk until we came to a small cafe by the river.

"Let's sit down, Ruby. He'll be here shortly."

"He?"

"Yes, He."

Wait a minute. I'm not getting set up here, am I? Lord, we talked about this in great detail. I'm not ready for him yet.

"But you've been dreaming about him. It's time. I want you to meet him."

But I'm not ready.

"You're ready, you're just not perfect. Don't worry, he's not either."

I looked around the people at the cafe. There were young people, old people, married people and not so married people.

"He's not here yet, girl. But he'll come."

"You're sure?"

"You don't trust me, do you?"

"Of course I trust you."

"With a lot of things... yes, but with him?"

That was a hard one to answer. The past dictated that I trusted no one when it came to men... or maybe it was that I trusted too much... and got hurt. Either way it was a bad area for me. Looking at Jesus, I saw someone who had been with me my whole life. I saw a man who was radiantly the epitome of perfection. Now he was telling me that I didn't trust him. If I couldn't trust him, who could I trust.

"I'm sorry, Lord. It's just too hard right now. I've lost so much."

"I know, Ruby. Don't you think I know how much you've lost?"

"Yes."

"Don't you believe that I willing to give you something even greater than what you've lost? Don't you believe I can give you someone beyond you're wildest expectations?"

"Lord, yes. You can do anything. I know that."

"Have I healed you, Ruby?"

Ouch. Another one I couldn't answer. There was still so much pain inside. Maybe that's why I didn't feel ready. But what else could I do. Every time I sensed a healing taking place, another heartbreak would find a home.

"I love you so much, girl. I wish you knew that."

"But I do. I really do."

"Then trust me." He was crying now. I wasn't waiting for the love of my life. This was the love of my life. He always has been. But I had let others come in the way. I let my pain come in the way of the best thing I ever had.

"How, Lord? How do I trust you enough?"

"I'll help you, Ruby. Look, he's coming..."

But I couldn't take my eyes off Jesus.

His Unchanging Desire

I sat there and watched Him playing with the others. They giggled as He tickled them and laughed as He threw them up in the air and caught them with His strong arms. He sat them down in a circle and they listened with undivided attention as He told them a story. I stood at the doorway watching them. I didn't want to disturb them or take away from their excitement. I was mesmerized at what I saw. My hands were clinging to the door post as I felt my heart jump within me. How I longed to be like them and be with them. Then I felt my arms shake and tremor. I quickly tightened them around my body so no one would notice. Then I looked back at Him. My thoughts had been focused on what the other children were doing that I didn’t notice that He was staring at me. I turned and ran down the hallway.

Collapsing on the floor, I leaned my back up against the wall. My arms were still shaking, so I tucked my legs to my chest and held them tight hoping that the tremours would stop. I wanted to cry but no tears would come. The other children knew how to cry, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything that would show Him how I felt. Crying, playing, laughing... these were all strange to me now. I couldn’t even sit and listen to his stories. Nothing was right anymore.

I am sick. Some say it will pass, but I know it won’t.

I am different now, different than the others. It hasn’t always been like this. I was one of them. I played, I laughed, I even danced with Him. I could sit and listen to His stories for hours on end. Now that has all changed.

I sat and wondered if I had disappointed him. Then I felt a hand brush against my cheek. I looked up and there He was.

“Come.”

He reached out his hand and took mine. Hand in hand we walked down the hall and back to the room. We reached the door to the room and I saw the others. They were still playing and laughing. My head bowed and I felt my muscles tense up; the tremors in my hands were getting worse. I couldn’t control it.

“Ruby.”

He took two of His fingers, placed them under my chin and lifted my head. His eyes had tears in them. He was crying. I had never seen Him cry before but then again, I never looked close enough to notice.

We walked into the room and He found a place just inside the door. On the floor were strewn pillows of all colours. He motioned me to sit down. Then instead of rejoining the rest of the children, he sat down beside me. Together we watched the others play and laugh. I felt warm inside just sitting there with Him.

I was enjoying myself so much, I almost forgot the tremors. I quickly pulled my arms into my chest and held them tight. He hadn’t taken his attention from me. Even with all the excitement He knew what was happening to me. He stretched His arm around me and pulled me in closer. I leaned my head up against His chest and snuggled in. His arm was draped over mine, His strong hand embraced mine and even though the tremors continued, He held me close.

“It’s okay, Ruby. I have you.”

My arms still shaking, my muscles still aching, my eyes crying no tears... but it didn’t seem to matter to Him.

You see, though everything had changed around me, to me and within me, He never did. His desires for me never changed

Intimacy: It's what He wanted

She sat there on the cold concrete floor staring at her bared feet. Every once in a while she would look up. He hadn't moved. He sat across the room about ten feet from her. Quickly, she looked back at her feet. A cold chill had come over her. How she longed for something warm: a blanket or a jacket. All she was wearing was a faded t-shirt. He wasn't saying anything and it was making her uncomfortable. She pulled her arms around her body tighter.

Why did she have to make the next move? She didn't think she would turn away if he came to her. Stubborn, that's what she was. Just plain stubborn. He could have left her presence. He didn't have to stay, but he sat down, giving her some space, reminding her that it was her move. Intimacy? Is that what he wanted?

Did he really want to get closer? Maybe he was content to sit and watch her. Did she really believe that? Was she deaf? Vaguely she remembered his words. No, he wasn't content to sit across the room. He wanted more.

She looked up again. This time it was his eyes that stopped her. Deep blue eyes. She remembered how hard it was in the past to resist his captivating gaze. Still she felt, once again , like a hypocrite. Shame was creeping in and telling her that she was imagining things.

NO! She put her head in her hands. Believing the lies was ludicrous. She knew the truth. If she gathered the strength to get up, running to him wouldn't be a problem. She would find her passion for him once again. Using the wall to pull herself up, she make it to her feet. Her legs were shaking, but she pushed herself away from the wall to find herself falling into his arms. Throwing her arms around his neck, she held on with all her strength.

He held her, her feet barely touching the cold floor. And then she felt it; the warmth enveloping her like a wool blanket. So caught up in the moment, she barely felt him pick her up in his arms, cradling her close. Still all she could do was hold him tight.

He was walking somewhere. She felt the movement, but her eyes were closed, not wanting to see anything, but wanting her other senses to take over. He stopped. Curiosity took over. She opened her eyes to see a different room. Not the cold grey space she sat in for so long, but there were walls covered in gold. In the middle of the room was a big beautiful bed, covered in crimson satin, with a single white rose on one of the pillows. She looked into his eyes again. This is what he wanted all along. This is what he wanted. Intimacy. And he wanted it with her.